1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
