Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
