happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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