carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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