The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
