I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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