i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
