i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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