Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
