woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
