The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
