Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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