Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
