i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
