I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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