all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
