Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
