I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
