mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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