You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
