Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
