my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My balls are so social today.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
