The maid of honor just puked.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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