You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
