I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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