Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
