Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
