Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
