The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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