You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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