Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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