Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
