She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
