Rock
Scissors
Fuck
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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