We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
