When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
