So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
