I am in a vortex of obligation.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
