The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
don't judge my taste in strippers
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
