I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm both gender and math confused
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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