Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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