You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Randomize
