I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
