to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
