I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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