my being single is dangerous.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
