That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
