I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
