it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
