I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
