Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
