cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have aggressive nipples.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
