there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize