Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
