Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
