You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
