dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
