I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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