Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
