i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize