maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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